Wake up in the middle of the night with an evil genius plan for a DIY gift.
Step 2:
Remember your wife complimenting a molten chocolate fondue at a friend's house. Get going on the idea which involves cooking (Should get a response from your wife like this - "Cooking???").
Step 3:
Take out the remaining Trader Joe's one pounder chocolate from the fridge.
Step 4:
Break off a few pieces into a bowl
Step 5:
Microwave the chocolate for 30 secs and ensure that it is melting.
Step 6:
Microwave the chocolate for 2 minutes to melt it completely. Thoroughly pat yourself on the back to congratulate yourself on the awesome idea and execution.
Step 7:
While the microwave is rotating your idea, build a mold to pour chocolate. Remind yourself that you are an awesome genius to come up with the idea of using aluminum wrap in the mold to prevent the chocolate from sticking to it . (It helps to remind yourself that the most complicated dish that you ever cooked was maggi noodles with frozen carrot & peas)
Step 8:
Bring the bowl out of the microwave to view in 3D, how reality has made you its bitch.
Step 9:
Remove burnt portions of the chocolate while praying to multiple deities that the stench/aroma of it would not trigger the smoke alarm or cause your wife to wake up. Make a note to kick yourself thoroughly for forgetting tips from your friend about how chocolate burns, instead of melting. Also note that almonds burn extra bad in the microwave, and this should have been tried with pure milk chocolate.
Step 10:
Take a look at what remains of your original plan.
Scrape off chocolate which melted enough but did not get burned, and pour it into the mold. Scrap original idea of having multiple molds.
Step 12:
Cover mold with aluminum foil and place in the freezer.
Step 13:
Thoroughly wash the bowl for 15 mins where the chocolate has melted and stuck to the surface.
Step 14:
Play the waiting game for the chocolate to solidify. Start documenting the steps in a blog post for any future hapless men who might be trying as desperately as you to impress their wives.
Step 15:
Remove the chocolate mold from the fridge to take a look at the mediocre results.
Step 16:
Carefully remove the aluminum wrapping.
Step 17:
Add the chocolate heart to a generous serving of ice-cream, to remove focus from the part that the quantity of chocolate is akin to a Somalian serving.
Step 18:
Convince yourself that the real gift had always been this funny blog post about the whole comedy of errors, rather than delicious molded chocolate hearts. Now convince yourself harder. Relax and wait for the morning.
Step 19:
Show results to wife. (To wife: Please open the freezer and look at the left side!) Wait patiently for a - "aaaawwww you tried!" - kind of response typically reserved for a toddler's efforts.
Step 20:
Squander any gathered goodwill by leaving the toilet seat up in the next few hours.
